The stretch marks around my midsection mimic the lines on a topographical map. In contrast, my identical twin sister looks great in a bikini, and has maintained her supermodel size for most of our thirty-one years. That's not to say her weight doesn't fluctuate. It does. It just tends to fluctuate in the opposite direction as mine. I refer to my condition (for lack of a better word) as WOS: White Oprah Syndrome. Only, lucky for me, I spend most days behind a computer instead of a camera, so criticism and comments are reserved for "concerned" family members instead of a national audience.

At 5'10", I consider myself extremely lucky to have a pretty forgiving frame as far as extra lbs are concerned. But for anyone who has several shape-shifting wardrobes in their closet - FAT CLOTHES vs. SKINNY CLOTHES - they know that the ups and downs, and then ups again, can be pretty damn exhausting, regardless of height. Truth: I'm UP again, probably the heaviest I've been since high school. I'll save my "rational" explanation for my memoir (bad relationship), and just say that for the first time in my life, I wish I had an extra few thousand bucks laying around for surgery to jumpstart my new diet.

For those who have ever caught a glimpse of liposuction on TLC or the Discovery Channel, it's a pretty hard-to-look-at procedure. The sucking noise - if nothing else - makes gym membership seem inviting. That said, I was thrilled to learn that by early 2007 a new less-invasive liposuction procedure will be readily available. The Smartlipo system, or Laser Body Sculpting, was developed by Cynosure, Inc., and approved by the FDA in November 2006. Unlike traditional liposuction methods, a laser is used to melt/rupture fat cells, making its removal less painful, safer, and easier. It also claims to tighten skin. According to a Cynosure press release, "treatments with the Smartlipo system generally result in less swelling and bleeding... and can usually be performed in one 45-minutes session." You can expect the cost to be about the same as the standard procedure: $3000.00 for the first area, and roughly $2000.00 for each additional area.