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About five hundred years ago, thanks to theories developed by Copernicus and Galileo, men were shocked to learn their world revolved around the sun. To be honest, I'm still shocked. Because based on the majority of guys I've met, it appears their world revolves around their penis. After all, in our modern society, public displays of reverence and affection for the male member are not just tolerated, but almost expected. Indeed, hardly a rap artist or baseball player can punctuate his poetry or toss a pitch without a hearty grab.

But what if there's not quite enough to grab? Not to worry. Options abound for penis enhancement. The question is, do any of them work? And perhaps most important, who says they're needed at all?

Stretch, pump, pull

Even MY junk mail inbox fills up with offers for non-surgical methods of penis enhancement. Most of them sound very uncomfortable (to me, at least).

Manual stretching or squeezing (jelquing) - Not quite as much fun as masturbation, this involves grasping the semi-erect penis with thumb and forefinger and repeatedly drawing them away from the body in order to force blood into the glans. In theory, this helps increase vascularity in the tissues - when more blood can flow in, the penis is larger when erect. There's no scientific evidence to support this for permanent enhancement.

Stretching or hanging - Again, the theory is that the penis tissues can be stretched and lengthened either by grasping and pulling or by attaching weights to the end of the penis. Come on folks, if grasping and pulling worked, every 15-year-old boy would have a penis down to his ankles.

Vacuum pumps - Useful in the treatment of impotence, vacuum pumps draw blood into the penis and make it swell. This may create an illusion of a larger penis, but results are temporary. The pump is placed over the penis, and air is drawn into the tube. The suction creates pressure which forces blood rapidly into the penis. A ring is then temporarily applied to the base to stop the blood draining away. During use, blood vessels can rupture causing swelling and pain. Repeated use can damage elastic tissue in the penis, leading to less-firm erections. And don't try this with your Oreck.

Pills and lotions - The short answer is, all crap. These remedies usually contain vitamins, minerals, herbs or hormones such as testosterone. Although topical testosterone is sometimes used on adolescent boys to accelerate puberty, there's no evidence that it or any other dietary supplement can increase penis size in adult men.

The fact is, no research has ever proven that any non-surgical method results in permanent penis enlargement, and the FDA has never approved any medications or devices for enlarging a penis. Having said that, there is one method that can increase the appearance of the penis: weight loss. If your beer gut hangs over your genitalia, it might look as if you have a shorter, smaller penis than you actually do. Fat can obscure some or much of the upper part of the penis. Achieve a healthy weight, and give Mr. Happy more room to breathe.

You want to cut WHAT?

There are a variety of surgical procedures available, although many surgeons frown on these procedures when they're undertaken for purely cosmetic reasons. The American Urological Association, the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery and the American Society of Plastic Surgeons have all issued policy statements against cosmetic surgical procedures to enhance the penis. What's more, your insurance will most likely not cover cosmetic enhancement, which can cost about $10,000.

Insurance may cover the cost of penile lengthening if you have a clinically small penis (technically, a "micro-penis" - less than 3 2/3 inches when erect), or if you've had genital trauma or other specific conditions.

In any case, there are a variety of surgical options for lengthening, widening and other appearance issues.

Lengthening - To lengthen the penis, the suspensory ligament, which stabilizes and makes an erect penis tilt up, is snipped. When the ligament is cut, the penis may appear longer because more of it is hanging outside the body. However, cutting the ligament can cause an erect penis to wobble or point at odd angles.

Widening - Some surgeons inject fat cells transplanted from other parts of the body to the penis, although the implant may not be completely smooth, and it involves an extra incision where the fat is removed. Another method used is the implant of a "dermal matrix graft" (brand name, Alloderm), which is processed from human tissue and also used for post-mastectomy breast reconstruction or for burn victims. Men can expect a 10-15% increase in penis girth when erect after receiving an implant. These implants can also be used to correct a curve in the penis when it is flaccid. Another technique involves grafting blood vessels from elsewhere in the body to the penis in order to increase blood flow and penis width during erection.

Injections of other materials such as silicone or collagen are absolutely not recommended, as they can cause loss of sensation or deformation.

Inflatable penile implants are used primarily as a therapeutic surgery for men suffering from complete impotence, but can be used to increase size. An implanted pump in the groin or scrotum is manipulated by hand to fill cylinders from an implanted reservoir of fluid in order to achieve an erection. However, once a penile prosthesis is in place, it may destroy the natural ability to have an erection, and most men usually cannot get an erection without inflating the implant or even if the implant is removed.

Other appearance issues - If the scrotum extends too far along the underside of the penis it may cause a "turkey neck" of flesh that makes the penis appear shorter from below (how often does someone enjoy that view?) This condition can be corrected surgically. Similarly, if the scrotum is perceived to be too large it may be reduced.

Does size really matter?

Standards of beauty regularly change with fashion and cultural preference. Desirable penis size is no different. In ancient Rome or Greece, a large penis was considered comical. But many cultures equate a large member with strength and virility.

Despite what everyone wants you to believe, the average adult non-erect penis is 3-4 inches, and 5-7 inches when erect. But even men with "micro penises" are still fully capable of having sex and fathering children.

What's more, your partner probably doesn't really care how long your Johnson is. According to Men's Health, a Dutch study of 375 sexually active women who had recently given birth showed that 79% of the women said that penis length is unimportant while 69% said the same about penis girth.

In fact, stimulation of the G-spot may be more effective if the man's penis is slightly shorter than average, as this highly sensitive area of the vagina is located closer to the opening of vagina than deep within.

Before you undertake any procedure to enhance your manhood, make certain you fully understand the risks and the limits of the potential rewards. Understanding your partner's physical and emotional needs and desires may do far more to improve your sexual relationship than changing the size of your penis. And never forget that most women will tell you anyway: "It ain't the meat, but the motion."