Linda, an actress whose name has been changed to protect the horny, has not been intimate with her husband (or anyone else) for quite some time. "Honey I have a headache," echoes throughout her bedroom on a regular basis, but despite what you may think the person uttering this phrase is not Linda. "I am a reformed brazen hussy with LOTS of experience," she confides, but unfortunately Linda's husband has lost that loving feeling.

Linda is not alone in the desire to have more sex—or any sex at all—with a husband who is no longer interested. According to statistics provided in the book He's Just Not Up for it Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex and What You Can do About It, by Dr. Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz, nearly 40 million marriages are considered sexless, with couples having sex less than ten times per year. While being sexless is not a bad thing when both parties in the relationship agree, if one person wants it more than the other, problems can—and probably will—ensue.

Author and psychologist Michele Weiner Davis wrote The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire, which addresses the issue of wives whose sexual needs are higher than their husband's. The author paired with Redbook magazine to conduct a survey on the intimate relationships of married couples, and more than 1,000 respondents discussed the sex lives they lead—or lack—behind closed bedroom doors. Of the women who responded, 321 were more interested in a sexual relationship than their husbands while 289 were just as interested.

Linda felt for some time as though she was the one who had lost her libido. Then she began shooting a film that required her to participate in a love scene, and this idea aroused her. When she asked her husband for a hall pass to participate in the scene she realized that her desire for intimacy had remained intact though her husband's had waned. "I have the love of my life," says Linda, "and not the sex I want or need. Which is more important?"

When you were dating he couldn't wait to rip your clothes off with his teeth: Now just the mention of your barely there silk panties causes him to flee the room. If your man has lost his erection, you may be asking where it has gone—and how you can get it back.

A man may stop feeling sexually attracted to his wife for a variety of reasons and he will oftentimes have difficulty discussing these reasons with his wife. The Berkowitzs conducted an online survey of more than 4,000 participants that included men who had stopped having sex with their wives and women whose husbands had lost interest in having sex with them. Men were asked to rate a list of reasons for losing that loving feeling with their wives, and "She isn't sexually adventurous enough for me" topped the charts, with 68% of the men agreeing that this was why they were not having sex with their wives. Other reasons included:

Wife doesn't seem to enjoy sex (61%)

The man was interested in sex with other people but not with his wife (48%)

The man was depressed (34%)

The man was having an affair (20%)

With up to 30 million men suffering from erectile dysfunction, some of the problem can be attributed to a physical cause. In addition, stress, medication, having children, moving and other large emotional changes can crush a man's sexual urges. Unfortunately, once a guy stops wanting to get it on, even if only for a temporary period, he will often become frustrated and angry with the situation, which only makes the problem worse. When under pressure, a guy will rarely rise to the occasion-and this can create a vicious circle of sex, anger and isolation.

Sexual prowess, power and masculinity have always been considered the traits of a successful male, so when your guy runs away in fear when he sees you naked he will often refuse to head to a therapist for help. In fact, Michelle Weiner Davis reported that only 19% of men actually agreed to seek help when asked by their wives to do so. Yet if he does agree to seek counseling, even as an offhanded comment made in passing, Weiner Davis urges women to push him out the door immediately rather than wait for him to make the therapy appointment. "Getting men to the doctor is often tough because guys don't go to the doctor unless they are bleeding to death," she says. As soon as you get the green light from your guy your fingers should be dialing the phone.

Some women refuse to take charge of the sexless situation because they say that they are not their husband's mother and they do not want to treat their husband like he is a child. Michelle Weiner Davis says that if you find yourself thinking this way you should stop and ask yourself if you would one day like to play the role of your husband's sex partner again. If the answer is yes, you just may have to take control of the situation in order to make some changes.

For a time Linda tried to stuff down the sexual urges she felt—the ones that were going unreciprocated in her own bedroom by the man she had loved enough to marry. She briefly considered an affair, which 37% of Michelle Weiner Davis’s respondents had also done. Not all women are only thinking about straying, though. The Berkowitz study found that nearly 24 percent of women who responded had begun having an affair after their husbands stopped being intimate. Linda didn't stray, even though her husband said he was okay with her finding a girlfriend to satisfy her sexual needs. Instead, she says, "I really just want my husband to learn the ancient art of pleasure."

When a man loses interest in a physical relationship with his wife, the woman who is on the receiving end of the cold body often feels rejected, frustrated and angry. "Women begin feeling as if they are the only one in the world whose husbands aren't chasing them around the living room with an erection," says Michelle Weiner Davis. They internalize this feeling and assume that the problem is with them and not with their uninterested spouse. That's why it is important for wives in sexless marriages to work on strengthening both the marriage and the way that they feel about themselves.

If your man has lost interest in a sexual relationship with you, it is vital that you understand this: As painful as it is on you to be denied sex by your husband, it is twice as painful for him. Whether your husband understands why he no longer wants to make love to you or is still questioning his diminished sexual appetite, he is struggling both emotionally and physically. Therefore, be kind and gentle with your spouse. Don't place blame. Instead, says Weiner Davis, "Really speak from your heart. Talk about your loss in a positive way. Talk about the future and what is possible as opposed to what hasn't been happening."

If your husband will not get counseling, go it alone. Speaking to someone about your problem can help you realize that you are not alone. His lack of intimacy is not your problem or your fault, and it is important that you understand this in order to let go of the anger and frustration that you feel with your spouse. Losing these negative emotions can help you to rebuild your relationship. Open up the lines of communication in your home. If your spouse will discuss his lack of lust, talk. While the problem is his, you may be able to help him solve it by being a kind and patient listener. Weiner Davis mentions that she often sees women talking, talking and talking but not listening or taking action, which can frustrate the man and cause him to push away even further.

Take care of yourself. Get out of the house when you feel that you need some time alone. Schedule time with friends. See a movie. Take a drive. Stop making dinner every single night. Becoming more independent will help you realize just how strong you can be—and it may make your husband take notice as well. Finally, remember that this does not have to be the end of the world—or your relationship. Says Dr. Adelman, "Folks forget that the marital relationship is like a child. It needs attention, compassion, stimulation and nurturing. The flame may seem to go out but most times it can be relit!"