My last bikini wax is memorable for all of the wrong reasons. I was visiting my twin sister in Manhattan, the cheap waxing/pedicure capital of the world. At her recommendation, I went to a little hole in the wall salon in SoHo for some much needed feet lovin' and hair removal. I was living in a very small town in rural Mississippi at the time, where such services were not offered much less heard of by the locals. Needless to say, after my feet were skillfully buffed and beautified, I jumped up in grand anticipation of "phase two," as another non-English speaking employee waved me over, then ushered me into a back room.

I had expected to be given a pair of disposable undies to slip into before the bikini wax began. They are pretty much a standard issue in other waxing salons, at least the ones I had previously visited. Before I had time to mime my inquiry, however, I had been physically outstretched like a corpse on a paper-covered gurney, and the door had been locked shut. As I tried to scream Mercy!, the woman (despite her elf-like size) yanked up my skirt, pulled down my underwear, and ripped off just about every single hair below my belly button. Talk about lost in translation. Sheesh! Needless to say, as I limped my way back onto West Broadway and answered a call from my twin, I whimpered, "I think I've just been violated in a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit kind of way. Worse yet, I didn't have to courage not to leave a tip."

According to a December 11, 2006, article published on NewScientistTech.com, Phillips' Lab has patented a new device that "uses light to send hair follicles to sleep, making skin smooth for weeks at a time." Unlike waxing or the please-kill-me-now laser hair removal treatments that explode hair follicles with extreme heat, Razor Light uses weak pulses of near infrared light to change a hair follicle's "natural growing state to a dormant state." Phillips claims that three near-painless treatment sessions over the span of two weeks will reduce hair growth by 90%. Although no official release date has been set for this newfangled light gun, I'm certain to be first in line when available.