Celebrity Body PartsHollywood's Least-Wanted Celebrity Body Parts
Published: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 - 17:34
Angelina's lips, Keira's cheekbones, Penelope's eyes...we all know what celebrity features we want to steal. And then there are the ones we'd throw back in the water. Since we've told you which stars plastic surgery patients are demanding, we thought we'd give you a round-up of the lazy eyes, jutting jaws, and bony noses that nobody in their right mind wants. If nothing else, you'll feel a little better about your own itsy-bitsy flaws.
WORST FEMALE BODY PARTSEYES: Tori Spelling, Paris Hilton, Renee ZellwegerWORST FEMALE BODY PARTS
EYES: Tori Spelling, Paris Hilton, Renee Zellweger
We say: Huge, lazy, and just plain squinty-these girls drew the short straw when it came to come-hither eyes. Tori Spelling's giant dark brown eyes are the sort you're more likely to see on a dog, only less cute and cuddly. She may not have inherited much of Daddy's money, but she definitely got his peepers! Speaking of heirheads, Paris Hilton's eyes seem to have the same work ethic she does: lazy. Ever notice how one is a bit wonky? That's not so hot. Oh, and that blue tint is fake; her natural eye color is brown. And much as we love Renee, her squinty almond-shaped eyes make her look like she just bit into a lemon.
LIPS: Sheryl Crow, Lisa Rinna, Amanda PlummerLIPS: Sheryl Crow, Lisa Rinna, Amanda Plummer
We say: Call us Goldilocks, but some things are just too small or too big. Sheryl Crow and Amanda Plummer's barely there lips? Too small, and definitely not kissable. Lisa Rinna's flotation devices, er, mouth? Too big, too fake. Maybe we could arrange a collagen donation program amongst the three, though.
CHEEKS: Calista Flockhart, Nicollette Sheridan, Julia StilesCHEEKS: Calista Flockhart, Nicollette Sheridan, Julia Stiles
We say: Does anyone else think that Calista Flockart looks like she's swallowed two apples and they've settled in her face? Her cheeks are simply too wide for her small face, giving her an almost cartoonish appearance. Meanwhile, Nicollete Sheridan-she of the tiger-like cheekbones-appears to be giving Jocelyn Wildenstein a run for her money in the feline features department. As for Stiles, her moon-shaped face and pronounced cheekbones are just a tad mannish.
JAWLINE/CHIN: Reese Witherspoon, Rumer Willis, Lisa KudrowJAWLINE/CHIN: Reese Witherspoon, Rumer Willis, Lisa Kudrow
We say: Witherspoon may be a cutie, but her heart-shaped face and pointy chin is not doing her any favors. Willis's problem is a rounded, prominent chin that's as large as her forehead (to make matters worse, mom Demi Moore looks better than ever). Kudrow suffers from the too-small pointy chin syndrome, and lacks a defined jawline-but that's nothing a chin implant can't fix.
NOSE: Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Tori SpellingNOSE: Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Tori Spelling
We say: Much as we love Sarah Jessica Parker, we couldn't help but wonder why on earth she hasn't trimmed that bony schnozz of hers. It's bigger than some of her Manolo Blahniks, for crying out loud. Danes suffers from a large, masculine nose that not even Jordan Catolano could love, while Spelling-who supposedly paid for the nose she now has-should ask for a refund. The result is an unnatural, flattened mess.
SKIN: Britney Spears, Victoria Beckham, Cameron DiazSKIN: Britney Spears, Victoria Beckham, Cameron Diaz
We say: Apparently money can't buy Proactiv. These three superstars all have some major acne battles going on. Get thee to a dermatologist, girls!
HAIR: Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, PinkHAIR: Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Pink
We say: These three would reduce any hairstylist to tears. Just take a look at this list of their crimes against good hair: Amy Winehouse: A rat's nest on top of her head; Britney Spears: Baldness, multiple dye jobs, and the cheapest extensions known to man; Pink: overuse of unnatural, neon hair colors and an unwillingness to let hair grow below her ears. All three need to make a phone call to Ken Paves.
BODY: Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, Nicole Richie BODY: Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, Nicole Richie
We say: Obviously nobody's going to ask a plastic surgeon to put on some extra weight (aside from breast implants, that is), so we chose three ladies-we're using that term very loosely-who have taken skinny to scary new levels. We're not sure what's supposed to be so sexy about razor-sharp clavicles, exposed ribs, and bony chicken legs, but maybe Joel Madden can one day illuminate us. Eat something, girls!
WORST MALE BODY PARTSEYES: Steve Buscemi, Jermaine Dupri, William H. MacyWORST MALE BODY PARTS
EYES: Steve Buscemi, Jermaine Dupri, William H. Macy
We say: If you want to find creepy eyes, one need look no further than a Coen brothers film, where you'll find regular players Steve Buscemi and William H. Macy. Buscemi's bug eyes would look better on a lizard, while Macy's watery, childlike baby blues possess a bit of that serial killing doll factor. Dupri, the luckiest man on earth when it comes to women, got hit with googly eyes that seem to be pulled downward. Fortunately for him, Janet Jackson comes from a family known for their tolerance towards unsavory facial features.
LIPS: Zach Braff, Garry Shandling, Al PacinoLIPS: Zach Braff, Garry Shandling, Al Pacino
We say: Ironically, Braff's fish lips made the "Most Requested" features list. We strongly disagree. Also looking very unkissable is trout mouth Garry Shandling and the misshapen Al Pacino, whose skimpy upper lip doesn't exactly inspire a make-out session.
CHEEKS: Clay Aiken, Marc Anthony, Steven TylerCHEEKS: Clay Aiken, Marc Anthony, Steven Tyler
We say: What is it about musicians and scary cheekbones? Marc Anthony looks downright skeletal, Clay Aiken could play the lead in "Pinocchio," and Steven Tyler looks like a drag queen. Men electing for surgery should choose cheekbones that are more subtle and less pronounced.
JAWLINE/CHIN: Jay Leno, Hugh Laurie, Edward NortonJAWLINE/CHIN: Jay Leno, Hugh Laurie, Edward Norton
We say: Chucklehead Jay Leno easily has the biggest chin in the business, and it's not a look that should be duplicated. Norton and Laurie-much as we adore them-have the opposite problem, bearing weak chins and jawlines with no definition. Notice how Norton grows a goatee when he's playing a bad-ass? It's to up the macho factor.
NOSE: Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, Zach BraffNOSE: Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, Zach Braff
We say: We like a man with big hands. Big noses? Eh, not so much. Zach Braff's honker is large, but it's his flared nostrils that really do him in. Wilson, who apparently has had his nose broken more than a hockey player, suffers from a prominent, nearly deformed schnozz that is totally bent out of shape. Finally, Brody's nose is the sharp, long kind that would look better on a witch. Going in for a kiss could result in a serious injury, so watch out, ladies.
SKIN: Diddy, Pete DohertySKIN: Diddy, Pete Doherty
We say: Diddy fessed up to his zit problems in the Proactiv infomercials, so at least he's honest. And it's no wonder that Doherty has bad skin given the crap he's put in his system; frankly, he's lucky to still be breathing.
HAIR: Phil Spector, John Travolta, Donald TrumpHAIR: Phil Spector, John Travolta, Donald Trump
We say: Travolta's not the worst of this bunch, but does he really expect people to believe that his silly center-parted Eddie Munster hair is real? Hairlines recede, John, they don't crawl back up the forehead. As bad as Travolta's balding-but-won't-admit-it situation is, Spector and Trump take the cake with their freak show hairstyles, which should be dubbed "The Einstein" and "The Cotton Candy" respectively. Oh, what we'd give for a sharp pair of scissors.
BODY: Billy Bob Thornton, Jack BlackBODY: Billy Bob Thornton, Jack Black
We say: We're not sure what Angelina ever saw in Billy Bob's skinny bod, but she's in a better place now. The wild man is just too scrawny. Jack Black, however, doesn't have that problem.
Lisa Rinna's lips are
By admin - Tuesday, July 24, 2007 - 22:22Lisa Rinna's lips are beautiful, I don't know what you are talking about "Floatation Devices"!
You're joking, right???
By Laura2718 - Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 00:32You're joking, right??? Perhaps you didn't read Hollywood Lip Service: 26 Good, Bad, and Downright Unkissable Celebrity Lips!
Hey, I think after we've
By dhunt200 - Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 01:18Hey, I think after we've seen some of these celebrities in person compared to the movies we should all feel just a bit better...right?
Hey Hey Hey... so pinks got
By Anonymous (not verified) - Tuesday, January 29, 2008 - 23:52Hey Hey Hey... so pinks got the punk look going on alright? what's wrong with punk???!
Wow, I think you're overanalysing everything
By Anonymous (not verified) - Tuesday, March 18, 2008 - 15:37AND perhaps these actresses should be notified so they can sue for slander!