Remember how you freaked out and bought a year's worth of wrinkle cream on your 25th birthday because you thought you were "sooooooo oooooold"? And how you feel like you're going to shrivel up and die if the bartender doesn't ask to see some ID? Well, imagine trying to blow out 122 candles on your birthday cake, or having lived during three centuries. Now that's old. The old-timers on this list aren't just elderly - they're practically antiques. And though having the title as the "world's oldest person" is often the most short-lived (pardon the pun) gig one can possibly have, these golden oldies still put the Energizer Bunny to shame.

The reigning champ of the elderly? One Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Indiana. After the August 2007 death of Japan's Yone Minagawa, the 114-year-old Parker was deemed by Guinness to be the world's oldest person, and she's still hanging in there (knock on wood).

According to The Indianapolis Star, Parker suggested that people would enjoy longer lives "if they weren't so anxious." Fun fact: Parker resides in Indiana's Heritage House Convalescent Center, home to one Sandy Allen (aka the world's tallest woman).

At 112 years old, Japan's Tomoji Tanabe is the world's oldest living man, and according to MSNBC.com, he's holding onto to that recognition with all his might. The Associated Press reports that Tanabe avoids cigarettes and alcohol, and maintains a healthy diet.

"I don't want to die," Tanabe told reporters when he received his Guinness certificate. If it's any solace, his predecessor, Emiliano Mercado Del Toro of Puerto Rico, reached the age of 115.

According to WorldsOldestPeople.info, French-born Jeanne Calment earned the Guinness title of "World's Oldest Person Ever" in 1995, at the ripe old age of 120 years and 238 days. (She didn't look a day over 110, though.) Born in 1875, Calment lived to the age of 122, finally passing away in 1997. During her extraordinary life Calment claimed to have met Vincent Van Gogh and even attended Victor Hugo's funeral in 1885.

Perhaps Calment's longevity is due to the fact that she did not have to work, and instead enjoyed a leisurely, affluent lifestyle and activities like tennis, swimming, and, improbably, roller skating.

The Guinness Book of Records cites Shigechiyo Izumi as the oldest man who ever lived. Izumi, born on an island southwest of Japan in 1865, died in 1986 at the age of 120 years and 237 days. According to Guinness, Izumi credited his good health to "God, Buddha and the Sun." Considering that he worked until age 105 (gulp), started smoking at age 70, and drank Sho-chu, he might have been right.

Though Yone Minagawa of Japan was named the world's oldest living person in early 2007, she sadly did not hold the title long. The Los Angeles Times reports that the 114-year-old woman died of - you guessed it - old age in August. Born in 1893, Minagawa credited her longevity to "sensible eating and plenty of sleep," the paper says.

According to Wikipedia.com, American Emma Fancon Faust Tillman held the title of "world's oldest person" for just four days - the shortest tenure on record - dying at the age of 114 years and 67 days in January 2007. Born in 1892, Tillman was the granddaughter of former slaves and ran a baking and catering service boasting clients like actress Katherine Hepburn's father.

Apparently longevity ran in Tillman's family. Of her 23 siblings, four lived past the age of 100.

Read this sentence carefully: According to Nealirc.com, American Sarah Knauss was the oldest person to be named the oldest person in the world. Got it? Born in 1880, the Pennsylvania native earned the title in 1998 at the age of 117 years and 204 days; she died a year later at 119 years and 67 days.

Nealirc.com also claims that, when told that she'd been named the oldest person in the world, Knauss said, "So what?"

Lucy Hannah, 117

If Sarah Knauss was the oldest person to be considered the oldest living person, then American Lucy Hannah was the oldest person NOT to be considered the oldest living person, Wikipedia.com reports. Hannah, the Jan Brandy of supercentenarians, overlapped with the older Jeanne Calment, and therefore did not get her full due.

Lucy Hannah is considered to be not only the oldest African-American on record, but also the fourth oldest person ever (after Jeanne Calment, Shigechiyo Izumi, and Sarah Knauss). Born in 1875, Hannah died in 1993 at the age of 117. Photograph Not Available.

According to WorldsOldestPeople.com, French-Canadian Marie-Louise Meilleur is considered the fifth oldest person ever. Born in 1880, Meilleur died in 1998, just a few months shy of her 118th birthday. Meilleur succeeded Jeanne Calment as the world's oldest living person, and has been deemed the oldest Canadian on record.

The website claims that Meilleur was a vegetarian, which may have helped her longevity.

According to Supercentarian.com, Maria Capovilla of Ecuador, the sixth oldest person ever, was born in 1889 - "the same year as Charlie Chaplin and Adolf Hitler" - and got married the same year (1917) that the United States entered World War I. Capovilla passed away in August 2006 at the age of 116 years and 347 days.

Supercentarian also reports that Capovilla had once received her last rites from a priest during an illness she suffered at the age of 100.

"She always ate three meals a day and never smoked or drank hard liquor - 'only a small cup of wine with lunch and nothing more,'" the site reports.

Prior to his death in January 2007, 115-year-old Emiliano Mercado Del Toro was not only the world's oldest male but also the world's oldest person. Del Toro hailed from Puerto Rico, which was still a Spanish colony when he was born there in 1891.

Del Toro - who attributed his longevity to "eating bucha with cod," CBS News reports - is also considered the oldest living military veteran. Del Toro was drafted during World War I but was still in training when the war ended.

Maria de Jesus, 114

114-year-old Maria de Jesus was born in 1893. The Portuguese native is the second oldest person in the world, and the oldest person in Europe.

Wikipedia claims that de Jesus has reportedly never smoked or abused alcohol, and has visited a hospital only once in her life. Photograph Not Available.

Some of us weren't even alive when President Kennedy was killed, but according to WBIW.com, Bertha Fry still remembers President William McKinley's assassination in 1901. At 113 years old, this third-oldest person in the world has undoubtedly seen it all.

Hailing from Indiana just like #1 Edna Parker (note to self: move to Indiana or Japan), Fry was born in 1893 and still goes to exercise class twice a week.

Wonders never cease. California resident George Francis may be the oldest living man in the United States, but the 111-year-old has to share the title as third-oldest man in the world. It turns out that Henry Allingham of England has the same birthday (June 6, 1896) and is also still ticking, Wikipedia.com. (Guess his planet was in the right house that day.)

The former cigar smoker also reportedly enjoys a diet rich in "pork, eggs, milk, and lard."

Hryhory Nestor, 116

As reported by a Ukraine News Blog, Hryhory Nestor, a former shepherd, turned 116 on March 15, 2007. He celebrated in his house, in the village of Stariy Yarychiv, with a glass of champagne diluted with fruit juice and water.

According to the website, Nestor's passport, issued by authorities in post-Soviet Ukraine,- shows he was born on March 15, 1891. At that time, his home region belonged to the Austro-Hungarian empire, only to become part of Poland after World War One.

"Nestor jokes he remained unmarried because he valued the freedom of single life and attributes his longevity to clean living and religious observance. He also wryly concludes that life was probably best under Austrian rule."

As reported by News 24 reports, South African Moloko Temo celebrated her 132nd birthday in June of 2006. According to Temo's identity document, she was born in 1874.

"Tom Boya, chairperson of the Elderly People's Forum in Limpopo said he had been trying since 2004 to have Temo registered in the Guinness World Records as the oldest woman in the world."

Temo has eight children, 29 grandchildren, 59 great-grandchildren, and five great-great-grandchildren. She attributes her longevity to playing sports when she was younger.